I have always had suicidal tendencies; thoughts of dying were a daily occurrence. About 9 months down the path of my healing, I once again came to the point of suicide. I had come to this place before, and I knew within my heart of hearts that I couldn’t take my own life. But, I knew someone who could…

I sat down on the foot of my bed and began to pray, “God, would you please…” At that second, I vividly saw my children crying for a mommy that wasn’t there any more. It so broke my heart that I couldn't ask. I told the Lord, “I’ll go wherever You ask me to go; but You can't ever let go of me because I can’t do this alone.”

I wish I could say that I’ve been completely faithful to Him. I certainly have tried my best. Jesus, however, has been completely faithful to me. There have been days over the last 6 years that I couldn’t have gotten out of bed without His help. He has, day by day and moment by moment, held onto me and walked with me everywhere I’ve gone.

I wonder if He actually made this deal with me at the time I asked Him to be my savior when I was 5-1/2. Maybe it took me all these years to understand it and trust Him enough to believe it. I do know that He is my lifeline and without Him I would not be a functioning person, if I were even alive.
(2006)

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