So many survivors have no idea what real love is. I have struggled with this same area in my life. I have been unable most of my life to accept love or to even know love. I have given "love" out of fear, out of the fear of losing other's love. That is not what love is. Love, real love, is beautiful. Love is a caring for another person, a willingness to give of oneself, of one's time, of one's energy. It is given freely.

Love is not sex. Sex can be an extension of love, but it is not love of itself. Love can not be required. No one can require another to love them. If they do, it is not real love that they receive. Love does not require the destruction of another. That is selfish desire, not love. Love is not just a feeling. Feelings ebb and flow, but real love does not. Love is a decision. It is an action. It can be seen in many ways:

I was once engaged to a man who would not have been healthy for me to marry. A friend of mine found out and came to talk to me about the truth of the situation even though it could have meant the loss of our relationship. He had nothing to gain or lose by my decision. He did it simply because he cared about me.

Once when I was in a difficult place, I called a friend to ask for prayer. He escorted someone out of his office in order to pray with me right away.

I've been best friends with a woman for 13 years. She's walked through my 8 years of healing with me. She's been there for me whenever I've needed her, without complaint. She's helped me talk through things and prayed with me.

God lead me to a family of believers who have welcomed me with open arms, even though they know all about me. When I'm with them, I feel like I'm home. They gently and lovingly pry my shell open when I'm too hesitant to step out on my own. They celebrate the joys with me and support me through the sorrows.

As I write of the above instances, tears come to my eyes. I still feel so unworthy of such love. As time passes I learn to accept love more. I learn to love myself. I am learning who I truly am. I am so blessed to have so many people around me who know what real love is and are willing to unconditionally love me.

The most beautiful description of love is this:
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

That is what real love is. Because none of us is perfect, we often hurt those we love. I know I have hurt people unintentionally probably more times than I can count. I hurt deeply when I hurt those I love.

Before my lifetime, a man chose to follow the path laid out before Him. He chose to be tortured and abused and brutally murdered so I could have true healing and life.
"But he was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed!" -Isaiah 53:5

I pray that as you heal you too will be able to accept real love and to freely give it as well. Don't give up hope.

Rainbows in the Rain